FOLK ART SCULPTURE BY GARY KOTT

For a while I was running back and forth to New York City from my house in Southampton rehearsing and mounting staged readings of plays I’d written. Anyone who’s ever driven on the Long Island Expressway knows how infuriating a commute can be -- interminable traffic delays, endless stretches of bland landscape, hours of frustration. To break up the monotony I would sometimes choose an exit at random and explore the wonders of the Long Island heartland. One day while driving around Mineola I saw a makeshift sign that read, “Guitar Show -- Three Days Only.”  Thinking I was heading towards a local battle of the bands I was surprised when I arrived to find exactly what was advertised -- a guitar show -- hundreds of makes and models of the iconic musical instrument.  The visual was quite stunning. I was mesmerized by the endless shapes and colors. By the time I arrived back home I was obsessed with the idea of reproducing the wonders of that guitar show smack in the middle of my living room -- not real guitars but sculptures constructed from the pile of scrap wood and found objects I’d squirreled away in my basement.

Problem was I knew nothing about carpentry, owned no building equipment more elaborate than a screwdriver and hammer, and had barely succeeded once with installing a one-step, idiot-proof bathroom towel rack. A trip to the hardware store solved those dilemmas -- Morty in Tools was only too pleased to coach me on how to use a jigsaw and power drill. Down in the basement I was thrilled that on the very first try I managed to shape a guitar body from a pine board without cutting off my fingers. Adding hinges for pick-ups, drawer knobs for volume controls, thumb screws for tuning keys, some paint here, some glue there, the job was eventually done -- guitar after guitar rolled into my living room until visitors were greeted by the same visual treat I’d experienced in Mineola.  Over the years I've added other fun, nutty creations to my collection -- vacuum cleaners made from logs and ventilation duct, typewriters with water faucets instead of ribbon spools, cars with plumbing cap wheels and junction box motors.  If the results look like anyone can do it, they probably can.  However, before starting, let me pass on some words of wisdom imparted to me by Morty in Tools -- keep your hands away from all moving parts of power equipment, unplug before changing blades, always wear safety goggles.